... wait for it!

It’s a Saturday evening, the day before Easter. I’m at home, watching TV and relaxing after gorging myself at the Chinese buffet. Greg and I decided we’d do three days of buffets before I start my pre-colonoscopy and pre-surgery fasting on Monday. 

My phone rings. I look at the number and my stomach sinks into my knees … again. It’s my workaholic, over achieving colon doc calling me. God bless his heart, but come on dude, spend some time with the wife and kids! It’s Easter weekend for criss-sake! Of course he is calling to say he was reviewing my CT scan results.

“Ugh, what now?” I thought.

He said my liver and kidney had a little spot on them, which is completely normal and expected.

I’m waiting for the “but” …

He didn’t see anything else in my intestines and they looked good.

I know the “but” is coming, just give it to me …

He could see that I had my gallbladder removed.

Duh. Get to the “but” …

But …

I KNEW IT!!

"I see a mass around your right ovary that gives me some concern." he says.

I suddenly go deaf. The world around me is completely silent.

OK, is it really possible I’m being dealt a double dose of cancer?

I snap out of it as the doc says he’s writing instructions to his office so I can get an ultra sound of my ovaries on Monday. He goes on to explain that if it is cancer, I can’t have my ovaries removed at the same time as my colon surgery since it needs to be done by a surgeon that specializes in ovarian cancer surgery. I would need to schedule that for a later date. 

Great. 

The rest of the night I sit here as if the wind was kicked out of me. Unable to clear my brain of all the ‘what ifs’, it becomes increasingly harder to remain positive.