Side Effects - Nearing the End of Treatment

As I round the corner to chemo #11 on October 7, I start pondering my recovery. I wish that the day after my last treatment that everything in my body will magically revert back to my old self (minus the cancer, of course). Unfortunately it will be months until I'm feeling like a non-chemo laden, positive, post cancer gal. The nasty chemo has done a number on my body. Now I know everyone has different reactions to chemotherapy as different cancers call for different types of chemo drugs. What I'm sharing today is MY reactions to my chemo treatments for colon cancer and how it affects me. You or your loved one's side effects may or may not be similar. 

I'll start with my feet/hands. One side effect that I had only one time was my feet swelling up like big o' sausages. The left foot was worse than the right. The doc prescribed something and it went down in about 3 days. The BIGGER issue with my feet is numbness - which also affects my fingers. This problem has been getting worse with each treatment. So much so that on treatment number 10 the oncologist reduced my 5FU by 25%. Sorry to say that didn't help and the numbness is only increasing. This side effect can last months, years or be permanent after chemo. It is one that the doctors try to monitor very closely. God forbid I lose more feeling. It's hard to be on my feet too long when they are numb and just typing this right now is awkward as I'm continually missing keys and have a pins and needles sensation in my finger tips. 

My sausage foot

Knees/weight/eating habits. My knees are puffed up and look like old lady knees. Actually my whole body is puffed up to the tune of 20 pounds thanks to the steroids in the chemo drugs. Finding food that agrees with your digestive system during chemo is not easy. I learned the hard way (days spend chained to the toilet) that I can't eat salads, fruits, veggies or too much coffee on certain days during treatment. My diet primarily consists of carbs (ugh). Easy to pack on 20 pounds with that diet!! Drinking fluids is uber important too! I learned that the hard way by getting dehydrated a few times. Gatorade is now a regular part of my day. 

Hair loss. This one is the worst in my opinion. I have always struggled with my crazy curly hair until a couple years ago when I found out about Keratin Treatments! Since then I've love my hair, only to lose it all with chemo. OK, I didn't lose ALL of it, but there are big patches of baldness all over my head and my hair is very thin and wirery.  

My patchy head of hair

Skin. Your skin gets awful during chemo! I have cellulite where I never had it or imagined I'd ever have it. My skin is dry all the time. Any cuts or sores take a long, long time to heal. I constantly have raggedy cuticles. Oh, and I have this charming rash that started on my arms and has moved to my chest and is slowly working it's way on to my face. It looks like chicken pox. This may or may not go away after treatment. This was not a side effect the chemo nurses or my doctor have seen before. 

Crazy rash

Muscles/joints. My knees joints and lower back ache a lot. Those have been problem areas for me in the past, so I'm guessing chemo amplifies any aches and pains in those areas. Getting in and out of my car, which may be a little on the low side, makes me feel like and 80 year old. 

Finger nails. Some people lose their finger nails during treatment and others have their finger nails go hog wild, growing like crazy. I got the grow like crazy nails. This would be great if I was allowed to get manicures and grow them long, but long nails hold germs under them so you gotta keep them short. And, manicures open you up for infections from even the most sterilized manicure tools. 

Stomach/Bowels. This one is not for those who get queasy, so if that is you, you may want to skip this paragraph. I believe it's important to be very transparent on what can happen to a body during chemo so here goes. As mentioned earlier your stomach will not tolerate certain foods. You'll need to learn to gage that on your own by trial and error. I use to have major constipation week one of chemo. By week two, I could be living on the toilet with diarrhea. And some days getting to the toilet in time was impossible. I'm not talking about a shart, folks. I'm talking about sneaky liquid poo that shoots out of your bun-hole without ANY warning. Its times like that when I was glad to be home on short term disability! Learning what I could eat and drink eventually helped me avoid problems, but it was a steep learning curve for a while.

Teeth/Nose and other orifices. During chemo your membranes get weak and tender. Usually the first week of chemo is the worst. I'd blown my nose and had bloody noses as a result. I'd brushed my teeth and my gums will bleed. I've even bled like a young, virginal girl after being intimate with my lover. You just never know when it will happen. You just need to take it easy on your orifices!

Brain. Ah, my favorite (she says sarcastically) … chemo brain. No it's not a cute phrase, it's an actual medical side effect of chemo. It's a lot like a slow-mo version of A.D.D. Your brain is foggy a lot. You forget the simplest things, sometimes mid sentence. Concentration for an extended period of time is difficult. You don't react as quickly. God forbid you needed to have a debate when you have chemo brain, it just wouldn't end pretty. 

Sleep. For many sleep may be difficult. As if the anxiety and stress of having cancer isn't enough, the steroids they pump in you during week one may have you up at night. In the beginning that was the case for me so they cut me back a bit and now when I'm at home with the portable pump I pretty much sleep constantly. 

I hope this didn't come across as a long diatribe of complaints. My goal is to help you glean some information that may help you or your loved one have an idea what to expect when it comes to side effects. If you ever have any problems, talk to your chemo nurse, they are amazing and so very helpful. They will likely have some tips and tricks to help you out. 

Mesothelioma Awareness Day - Important Info from the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance

Mesothelioma is a cancer that you may not know much about. The only thing I know about Mesothelioma is from Greg's step father, Ray, who passed way from the disease about a decade ago. He supposedly developed the disease during his years in the Navy during Vietnam. 

When Emily, the Community Outreach Director for the cancer organization known as the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance, asked if I could help her spread the word about the disease, I was more than happy to help! Mesothelioma Awareness Day was created to inform folks about this little known, but aggressive cancer. Emily asked that I share some important facts about the disease. She wrote this blog post titled, “8 Things You Should Know About Mesothelioma.”

Have a read ... remember knowledge is power!

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Mesothelioma -- a long word you may have heard on a commercial or two, but do you know what it means? This rare and deadly cancer is sadly lacking awareness. In honor of Mesothelioma Awareness Day this September 26, read on for the top 8 things you don’t know about this cancer, but should. Then share them. The key to saving lives starts with education.

1. Mesothelioma is caused by asbestos exposure. Asbestos is a naturally occurring mineral that is invisible to the naked eye. Once inhaled, these fibers may infect the protective lining of the lungs, abdominal cavity, or cardiac cavity.

2. No amount of exposure is safe. Just exposing yourself once could put you at risk for developing the disease later on in life. If you were exposed today, you may not be aware until 2043, as the average latency period is about 30 – 40 years.

3. Asbestos was once used in more than 3,000 consumer products. These include household items, some of which may still be in use. Some of these even include hair dryers, crock pots, and cigarette filters.

4. It can be found in many older homes, schools, factories, and commercial buildings. Homes built prior to the 1970’s, along with a myriad of public buildings still could potentially contain asbestos because of the materials used in the original construction.

5. Asbestos exposure is still the LEADING CAUSE of occupational cancer in the US. Even after 30 years since the United States government issued stern warnings about the continued use of asbestos, many workers who were once exposed are now at risk of developing the disease.

6. United States Veterans are at the greatest risk. For many years, asbestos was used across all branches of the military. Many veterans and shipyard workers were exposed to high levels of asbestos from several different applications. US Navy veterans who served during World War II and the Korean Conflict unfortunately have the highest incidences of asbestos related disease, including mesothelioma.

7. Asbestos is still not banned in the US. Federal law requires the newly manufactured products contain no more than 1% asbestos. Although its use is regulated, roughly 30 million pounds are still being used each year.

8. Mesothelioma can be caused by secondary exposure. Family members of those who were directly affected by on-the-job asbestos exposure may also at risk of developing mesothelioma.

Want to do something to help this Mesothelioma Awareness Day? Our friend and 7 year survivor, Heather Von St. James, needs your help. Check out her campaign and share her message to help educate and save lives. Be a voice for the victims.

Read more or to visit the blog, click here! 

A Positive Attitude Can Kick Cancer's Ass!! By Guest Blogger: Cory

This chemo "cumulative effect" sucks! Now that I'm towards the end, I am more drained, more beat down with each additional treatment. Just getting out of bed to shower is exhausting. This is the point were I really have grown to appreciate how wonderful all my family and friends are for their compassion, support and help - especially at this point in the game!! It's great to know I have such tried and true friends out there who really care about me and reach out to me to offer their ongoing support ~ I LOVE YOU GUYS!! Thank you! xo

I want to thank Cory once again for doing more heavy lifting as I recoup from one of my last few chemo treatments. Even though I've never met Cory, I have  great admiration for his determination, strong will and exemplary attitude towards his treatment. You are amazing, Cory! I feel like a wimp in comparison! LOL :-)

Cory- we'll be anxiously awaiting an update after your October 1 surgery! As soon as you're up for it, please let us know all is well! I will be saying prayers for you and for you wife, wishing her a safe deployment in Afghanistan!! 

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Guest blogger, Cory! 

Well, apparently someone out there likes how I write…or what I write. I was asked to do it again. I am not really sure what to write about to be honest, I have explained my views on Cancer and my disease and there isn’t much to elaborate on that. I see it in black and white terms. So, I will fill you in on my adventures.

Since we last spoke…or I wrote and you read, I have had some changes in my treatment plan. I went to MD Anderson and was seen there. The decision was made to remove the right lobe of my liver in order to take out the 3 tumors that decided to call it home. The liver is an amazing organ. I come from a medical background, but I never really paid much attention to the liver…I will admit to sleeping through that class. BUT, I have determined that the liver has got to be one of the greatest organs in the body. Of everything that goes on in the human machine, do you realize that the liver is the ONLY organ that can replicate itself…not only that, but it will do so in about 30 days. So on Oct 1, they will remove my right lobe, which is about 70% of my liver…the left lobe will grow and by 30 October, it will be back to full size and full operation….if everything goes as planned. That amazes me…of all the places to gets Mets, the liver is a pretty good one. I am looking forward to it actually…think about it…70% of your liver is gone…imagine how much you will save on liquor bills for those 30 days. So what happens after the surgery? Will, previously I told you that my first Oncologist basically said enjoy the year because it is all you will have. My second oncologist was a great guy, and never got excited or discouraged about what was happening with my body…very middle of the road. My third oncologist is still completing her fellowship so she hasn’t seen many patients like me. I have always known that I will beat the cancer, what choice do you have really? It took me 2 years to find a Surgical Oncologist who agreed with me. The basic plan after the surgery is to wait. Scans every 3 months…and see what happens. I have a couple of pesky nodes, but nothing dramatic and we will watch them. I haven’t made it to my 5 year survival mark, but I feel good…look damn good (at least my wife lies to me and tells me I do) and am positive.

So having said all that, I want to educate some of you on the US Military and what they do for their service members. They often times get a bad reputation and sometimes it is deserved. I served 12 years in the military in a special operations environment. I enjoyed it and got to see and do things people dream about. I married my wife who is active duty in the Air Force. My oldest son was born overseas on a military base, and my youngest son was born in the US on a military base. We are a military family and believe in what we have sacrificed in order to keep our country free. I was diagnosed with my Stage IV cancer in Germany after we had been assigned there for a year. Within 2 weeks of my diagnosis, the military had sent back to the US to start treatment. Took another 6 weeks for them to get my family here, but they took care of us along the way. I was treated in a military facility for the first 18 months of my cancer…and they did a couple of surgeries, my chemo and radiation treatment there. Every one of my providers has been great and I received great treatment…even when they left the sponge in me, I still don’t have bad things to say. The military then sent me to MD Anderson for a second opinion and they have picked up my case. So now the military pays for me to go to Houston for my appointments and my surgeries. They are allowing my wife to accompany me to Houston for surgery and assigning her there temporarily to care for me. We are incredibly grateful to the military for their treatment. They have definitely stepped up to the plate in taking care of the family. My wife just got orders for a 6 month deployment to Afghanistan. We talked it over, and even though we COULD play the cancer card and get her out of the deployment, it never crossed our mind to do it. We went to her commander, who is new and didn’t know about my condition and explained to him that the ONLY way she would get out of her deployment was if I had to go back on Chemo during that time. Deployments are a part of the job. I deployed when I was active duty, and now she will deploy. I am nervous…who wants their wife to deploy to a combat zone, but at the same time, I am proud. Proud of my wife for going, proud of my family for supporting her and proud of the military for doing all they do for us during this difficult time in our lives.

So, I have let you in on a little more about my life, why? Same reason as last time…If I can have Stage IV Colon Cancer (the second most deadliest cancer), and still deal with the other issues that face American military families today, you can change your attitude and realize, YOU CAN BEAT IT. You just keep going on with your life, live it, enjoy it…be normal. Cancer doesn’t define you….

Be Your Own Advocate! By Guest blogger: Sue

I apologize for being behind on my guest bloggers. It's been a whirlwind two weeks of low blood counts, denied chemo treatments and then finally getting chemo two weeks late, thus putting me behind my schedule of returning to my old self. It's frustrating to say the least. I should know better than to think I could make it through without a hiccup. 

Today's guest blogger is another high school buddy of mine, Sue. It's frightening to me how many of our classmates & their families have been touched directly by cancer. It is a great wake up call that we all need to continually contribute to the cause and finding a cure! It's also a great reminder that we need to keep ourselves healthy and take preventative measures. 

Thank you, Sue, for your beautiful and honest contribution below. 

I love ya, girlie!! xo

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Sue's Bio:  Soon to be 50 year old ( really? how the heck did that happen?) wife of 26 years, and mother of 2 pretty cool kids. I am a Minnesotan at heart, but now live in the First State (Delaware for those who don't remember their history!)

So… Linda asked if I would step in as guest blogger for her next round of Chemo.  I’ve started and stopped, and started again, and here I am, watching NFL Redzone (best idea EVER) still not sure what I should write.  My first few attempts sounded like blah, blah, cancer, blah, blah, cancer.  So, now, I’ll keep this short. You all don’t need to know the in’s and out’s of my cancer journey, so I’ll just give you the basics.

I’ll start by saying that I have been cancer free for 8 years  I never thought I’d say that.  Since I was first diagnosed with breast cancer at 22, I have had several more cancerous and pre-cancerous breast tumors removed throughout my 20’s and 30’s.  Along the way I was also diagnosed with endometrial and colon cancer.  All before I was 40.
     
My life is proof that early diagnosis is key.  I want to take this opportunity to urge everyone of you to listen to your body, and if you don’t think something is right, and you aren’t getting the answers you need, YOU need to persist.  Get a 2^nd opinion, push for additional testing, and never stop asking questions.  This is your life. I am an extremely introverted person, if I can push for additional testing and procedures, anyone can.  And those of us who have either had cancer ourselves, or have close family and friends that have battled cancer – speak up!  Awareness is so important.  Not many people know about my cancer, I didn’t want to worry anyone, didn’t want cancer to define who I am.  But, keeping this to myself doesn’t encourage others to get their screenings, seek additional help, or provide hope.  

Cancer sucks.  It has affected each and every one of us in some way or another.  We need to encourage each other, be there for our friends, our family, and take control of our own health.  Linda, in sharing her courageous cancer journey, has given us all a gift.  Unfortunately, it’s often not until we are faced with a devastating diagnosis that we are reminded how fragile life is.  Let’s use this gift and spread the importance of early diagnosis and treatment.  

Thanks Linda for sharing your journey!

Sue and her beautiful family 

More Delay

So I show up to my chemo clinic on Monday (yesterday) for my delayed round of chemo and guess what …. my white blood count hasn't budged one bit! Certain chemotherapy drugs can damage bone marrow. Bone marrow makes blood cells, which grow rapidly, making them very sensitive to the effects of chemotherapy. Chemotherapy kills many of the cells in your bone marrow, but the cells recover with time. The doc put me on Neupogen. It's a shot I'll get for the next three days. It's suppose to stimulate the production of granulocytes (a type of white blood cell). 

Apparently I have a few things going on with my blood work that are not good when it comes to chemo, however the low WBC is the one of most concern at this point. For those who like statistics here are a few from my blood work….

WBC should be 3.8-8.6 - mine is at 1.8 (1.85 a week ago!)

RBC should be 4.20-5.40 - mine is at 3.45 (up from 3.34 a week ago)

Platelets should be 140-440 - mine are at 93 (up from 86 a week ago)

Neutrophilis Absolute (# of each of the 5 white blood cells) should be 1.9-8.0 and 

        mine is at .41 (down from .85 a week ago)

Lymphocyte Absolute (% of the 5 WB cells in my body) should be 0.90-5.20 and    

        mine is at .68 (up from .59 a week ago)

So there you have it - the reasons I didn't get chemo on Monday! Now I go back for more blood work on Wednesday to see if the shots have helped. Then I meet with the doctor to discuss how to proceed. The only good thing with this delay is my ability to eat cold stuff (ice cream, shakes, etc) is back and I've been eating ice cream every day! Now if only I could eat sushi I'd be SUPER happy!! 

My favorite medicine!

It is times like this that I am ready to throw in the towel. I seriously believe if my white blood cells are almost dead - then wouldn't the cancer cells be dead too? 

It's hard when I had expectations that I would be done in October and back to work in November. Now I need to push it back two weeks… if it happens again, I'll be pushing it back even more. NOT what I wish to do! Especially since the last four are the worst thanks to the cumulative effects of chemo! Grrrr. I have my contingency of supporters telling me I can do this and I am strong, but I've given up almost this whole year to deal with cancer. It started April 4 with my colonoscopy and now it's almost October and I don't see the end any time soon, I just see more delays. At this point I'm not sure what I'll do except take it one day at a time. If I bail on the last couple chemos, then so be it. I've spent too much of my year on this and I want to start living again! 

Imerman Angels & Guest Angel Blogger, Lee!

On this day, September 11, it seems fitting that I have my NYC angel, Lee,  as a guest blogger. God bless all the men and women who lost their lives on 9-11. And God bless all of those fighting the battle against cancer. 

For those who do not know, Lee is my Imerman Angel. IA is a great non-profit that pairs cancer survivors with those battling cancer. They pair you on the same cancer type, surgeries you may have had, chemo treatments and even similar life/ family situations if possible. 

Although we don't correspond every day, I am extremely grateful for Lee and the support she has given me throughout my battle. We became fast friends! I am blessed to have her in my life.

Here is Lee's story on her bout with Colon Cancer and her thoughts on Imerman Angels! 

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October 2011 - two bouts of terrible stomach pains landed me in the hospital, no diagnosis. After 3 weeks of testing, still no answer. I was scared but that was nothing in comparison to what I was about to be faced with.  Finally after my stomach calmed down, a colonoscopy was scheduled. When I opened my eyes, everyone had a blank stare. A polyp, the size of a golf ball, was found. Surgery was scheduled.  Biopsies revealed stage 3 colon cancer, and 6 of 26 lymph nodes removed during surgery had cancer cells in them.

I went directly to Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. I quickly started folfox 5, a 12 session chemotherapy. During my 6 months of chemo I kept a log of my daily ups and downs. Noting when side effects hit and what helped or what made them worse.

Thinking it through, what I needed during treatment was questions answered, no matter how small or silly they seemed, someone to lean on whose been through it all, and a friend that truly gets it. I knew others would have the same needs.

Three months after my last colon cancer treatment, my good friend, a lymphoma survivor, asked if I would get involved with Imerman Angels. I didn't hesitate, knowing how alone you are through treatment, even with many supporters.

I wanted to help anyone. I contacted Imerman and they recorded my profile and told me they may be in touch if there's  a match. Approximately 4 months later they reached out to me describing a woman with a very similar diagnosis and treatment regiment.  Not even 24 hours later Linda and I were connected.

We quickly bonded and oh what a feeling! It's incredible how 2 complete strangers can relate to each other. Cancer is such an awful thing so when you meet someone suffering as you did you just want to hold their hand.

It's such a blessing to have gone through something so horrific, and have something so positive come out of it.

Being an Angel gives me the opportunity to pay it forward. To help someone who is as scared as I was.  To assure them that they're not alone. They're surrounded by so many people that are routing for them. I want to let them know, this can be done.

Team Lee rallied at Cycle for Survival in honor of Lee! Here is Lee with one of her sons.

Expect the Unexpected

I went in for my chemo treatment today and was told my white blood counts were too low to get chemo. Something about affecting my bone marrow and other bad stuff I half heard. I was sent home and told to be extra cautious about getting around other people, especially those who are sick. Aside from an occasional walk in the park, I guess I'm a prisoner in my own home until next Monday. 

This week's motto, expect the unexpected. I really never expected to be sent home. Aside from being extraordinarily tired, I feel pretty good considering all my body had gone through. Yet here I sit at home watching the clock tick. Since I'm one who believes, everything happens for a reason, there has to be a good reason the universe wants me to sit this one out. So I'll suck up my tears of disappointment and listen.

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired!

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired from cancer treatment. Even though I have three cycles of chemo to go, I've been feeling depressed. I know it's three chemo weeks of hell where I will be lucky to get out of bed. The cumulative effect sucks. It is harder and harder to get in that fighting mental state when you feel like you've been dragged behind a horse through the desert and you see no end in sight because of all the physical and mental trauma you've just been dragged through. 

I think depression is normal for any stage or type of cancer, how could it not? Most, not all, never see cancer coming. They are just going about living their lives with friends and family, enjoying activities, vacations, eating out, movies, and maybe working out … the list is long and varied. Then you get the call from the doctor, "You have cancer." Even after that call, you have no clue how much our life will turn upside down. The list of activities above are pretty much gone, thanks to chemo. Sure you can do some of them here and there, but they all come with a risk when you're going through chemo. I'll say it again, going from 100 MPH to zero MPH is enough to depress anyone. The imagine staying at zero for six months or more. Made you depressed just thinking of it, didn't I? 

Went from living life to the fullest at 100 MPH to zero and that is hard to manage 
without getting sad from time to time. (click on image to enlarge)

I did a little (and I mean VERY LITTLE) research online and the stuff I've seen is a joke. The majority of depression symptoms are also symptoms of CHEMO! Mind you, these are purely MY thoughts and opinions below. However, depression should be taken seriously if you believe you have it. I had postpartum depression after the birth of my third child and it was HELL. Once I thought I was good and started to go off my meds, my mother passed away, hence I stayed on my meds a while longer. So I am saying don't take some of my glib responses in purple too seriously if you REALLY DO believe you suffer from depression. Go to a doc and get it checked out regardless!

Major depression has specific symptoms that last longer than two weeks.  It's normal to feel sad after learning you have cancer, but a diagnose of depression depends on more than being unhappy. Symptoms of depression include the following:

• Feeling sad most of the time. Well DUH! Who wouldn't be sad learning they have cancer! And again, going from 100 MPH to zero is sad. And thanks to social media you get to see all your family and friends out and about, enjoying life without you. I think you'd be sad too. 
• Loss of pleasure and interest in activities you used to enjoy.  yep, true that … maybe it's because chemo is so restrictive and you're so damn tired most days when you can do "activities". 
• Changes in eating and sleeping habits. Hmmm, sure have changes, again due to CHEMO. I can't eat certain foods and some days are to nauseous to want food. But the damn steroids bulk me up regardless AND I can't sleep. The last thing I want to do is put more meds inside me. 
• Nervousness.  Who wouldn't be going through chemo? The doctors can't and won't give you a definitive that cancer will be gone when you're done with chemo. They can quote stats and that is about it. So we basically we go through chemo on a wing and a prayer, hoping the chemo gods shine down upon us and grant our wish, giving us decades of life cancer free. Instead we wait for that next colonoscopy to determine if we're healthy … at least for the time being. 
• Slow physical and mental responses. Ironically that is a daily state for most chemo patients. You're whipped from treatment and you have chemo brain!
• Unexplained tiredness. Oh, I can explain it. See my last response above ^ same deal.
• Feeling worthless. When you lose your ability to live life "normally", of course you're going to feel worthless! But don't - you need to just be SELF-focused and HEAL! There is no place for pride when going through chemo. You TAKE help whenever you can… and take it if you're fortunate enough to get it, damn it!  You also have to "learn" to ASK for help. This is a hard one for an independent and stubborn gal like me. But you need to, otherwise you're not going to have time to focus on YOU. 
• Feeling guilt for no reason.  Goes with the territory, don't you think? And for chemo patients I would think the believe it's not for 'no reason'. We all have thoughts like, "could I have prevented this?" 
• Not being able to pay attention.  Go up four responses. Chemo brain! duh ツ
• Frequent thoughts of death or suicide.  I have to say death has crossed my mind A LOT. But if you have cancer it's natural. Self inflicted death or suicide? Not here, but I would imagine that those with a terminal diagnosis would consider that versus death by cancer. It's clearly personal and depends on the individual. 

So the ebb and flow of sadness will just have to be worked through. I'll try to meditate it off. Or make a batch of brownies and eat it away ... normally I would turn to Ben & Jerry's at a time like this, but some chemo drugs prevent you from eating or touching anything cold and I'm lucky enough to be on that drug.... ugh. Maybe a few easy yoga stretches. Or ART! 

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I find that the addition of dark chocolate M&M's and dark chocolate chips help!

The Cumulative Effect ~ Not to be Confused with the Butterfly Effect

I sit here at 4am on a Sunday morning with a kleenex shoved up my right nostril, as I try to stop another random bloody nose, and it occurs to me I have not written a post since the 22nd. I'm thankful to my guest writers that have kept the site populated through my chemo weeks. Your stories are unique and amazing and yet so very familiar on many levels. Any more guest bloggers out there? Care givers, friends of patients or cancer patients, I'd love to hear your thoughts on a write up you that can contribute! Feel free to respond in the comments below with your email address and I'll reach out to you! 

Now, back to my bloody nose (isn't this fun?!). There is this charming little thing called "the cumulative effect" that takes place with each chemo cycle. Basically, from my summation, it makes chemo weeks harder and harder to deal with physically and mentally as time goes on. The side effects are bad enough, now having them be cumulative as this moves forward really fucking blows. My body starts reacting to Chemo Mondays on Saturday and Sunday. It's like every cell inside me knows it's coming. I can also tell my body is having a harder time fighting it. Between the time I leave chemo on Monday and Friday I'm pretty much gone to the world. The side effects are increasing and changing. My hair has big bald patches now. A rash on my upper arm from a few weeks ago is now spreading all across my body. My white and red blood counts are low, thus making me more prone to infection and also anemic. I have strange bruises popping up in places I know I shouldn't be bruised. My chemo brain is waning in and out of lucidity, however it makes for interesting rides in my car! I think I've had three near miss rear enders this week! Oh, I get these random lovely nose bleeds. My mouth bleeds when I brush my teeth. My salad less, veggie less and fruit less diet has stopped my days spent in the bathroom, which is good. Indigestion is normal and constant. Chemo weeks make it hard to eat and even harder to drink water. I can see why I get dehydrated. So all these beautiful side effects accumulate and get worse with each cycle. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!

Three more cycles to go! I pray that I can make it through each without any set backs. The last thing I want to do is prolong this journey through hell and back. I'm ready to load up my bags and head home to normalcy … my old normalcy looks wonderfully enticing from this vantage point. 

Just call me Lolita Chiquita!

Gettin' wiggy wit it...  not sure the Jane Russell-ish long wig works for me. Just looks like major bed head! ~ lol. ツ

My regular wiggy - it's more me!