No More Chemo: Doctors Say It’s Not So Far-Fetched by Alice Park

My angel, Lee, gave me a heads up on this article. Alice Park wrote this article for Time Magazine talking about the possible end of chemotherapy. I've pasted it below and you can link to it directly here. Certainly hopeful news for anyone who may walk in my shoes one day!


Cancer

No More Chemo: Doctors Say It’s Not So Far-Fetched

Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2013/06/26/no-more-chemo-doctors-say-its-not-so-far-fetched/#ixzz2aWp5IDNs

There’s a revolution occurring in cancer treatment, and it could mean the end of chemotherapy.

When it comes to taming tumors, the strategy has always been fairly straightforward. Remove the offending and abnormal growth by any means, in the most effective way possible. And the standard treatments used today reflect this single-minded approach — surgery physically cuts out malignant lesions, chemotherapy agents dissolve them from within, and radiation seeks and destroys abnormally dividing cells.

There is no denying that such methods work; deaths from cancer have dropped by around 20% in the U.S. over the past two decades. But as effective as they are, these interventions can be just as brutal on the patient as they are on a tumor. So researchers were especially excited by a pair of studies published in the New England Journal of Medicine last week that showed a new type of anticancer drug, which works in an entirely different way from chemotherapy, helped leukemia patients tally up to an 83% survival rate after being treated for two years.

(MORE: On the Horizon at Last, Cancer Drugs That Harness the Body’s Own Immune System)

The report was only the latest to emerge since 2001, when imatinib, or Gleevec, the first drug to veer away from the take-all-comers approach on which cancer therapies have been built, accomplished similar improvements in survival for patients with chronic myeloid leukemia and gastrointestinal stromal tumor (GIST).

Could the end of chemotherapy be near?

“It’s a question we are all asking,” says Dr. Martin Tallman, chief of the leukemia service at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. “I think we are definitely moving farther and farther away from chemotherapy, and more toward molecularly targeted therapy.”

It’s the difference between carpet bombing and “smart bomb” strategies for leveling an enemy — in this case a fast-growing mass of cells that can strangle and starve surrounding normal tissues. Targeted therapies, as they are called, are aimed at specific pathways that tumor cells use to thrive, blocking them in the same way that monkeying with a car’s ignition, or its fuel intake, can keep it from running properly. The advantage of such precise strategies is that they leave healthy cells alone, which for patients means fewer side effects and complications.

(MORE: Self-Sabotage: Why Cancer Vaccines Don’t Work)

“The field is moving toward using the right drugs at the right time in the right patients,” says Dr. George Demetri, senior vice president of experimental therapeutics at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. “We’re moving toward a more precise understanding of cancer, and being able to tailor therapies toward an individual’s cancer.”

In the case of the NEJM studies, researchers were able to target an active receptor on immune cells responsible for enticing them to grow out of control, blocking the protein and essentially shutting down two different types of leukemia tumors.

(MORE: Young Survivors)

Already, patients diagnosed with GIST can avoid chemotherapy altogether, thanks to Gleevec. “No patient diagnosed with GIST should be getting chemotherapy today,” says Demetri. Patients who develop certain types of lung cancer or melanoma caused by a cancer-promoting mutation known as BRAF are also starting to replace toxic chemotherapy agents with new, more precise medications designed to thwart the BRAF pathway. And a study presented at the most recent meeting of the American Society of Clinical Oncology showed for the first time that a chemotherapy-free regimen led to a higher survival rate after two years than traditional chemotherapy for acute promyelocytic leukemia, a cancer of the bone marrow.

The refined approach does have a weakness, however. Cancer cells, like bacteria and viruses, are wily enough to bypass roadblocks to their survival, and often mutate to overcome the effects of targeted drugs. That’s the case for a small percentage of patients on Gleevec. But even that shortcoming isn’t insurmountable. With growing knowledge about the molecular processes that drive tumor biology, researchers are able to design medications that thwart cancer cells’ attempts to bypass medications. It’s all about staying one or two steps ahead of the cancer, and already, researchers are testing drugs that address Gleevec resistance and hoping to widen the resistance gap. “The field is moving so fast that there are new drugs already being developed to tackle new resistant clones,” says Tallman. “[Resistance] is a concern, yes, but it doesn’t negate our excitement about the future.”

(MORE: Inside America’s Drug Shortage)

Working in the doctors’ — and patients’ — favor is the fact that cancers aren’t monolithic entities composed of the same abnormal cell copied thousands of times over. Individual tumors may be composed of different types of aberrant cells, possessing a variety of mutations that are susceptible to different drugs. And this cast of cells can be ever changing over the course of an individual patient’s battle with the disease.

While such heterogeneity and unpredictability could, on one hand, make tumors too daunting to tackle, they also represent an opportunity to employ an entirely new way of fighting tumors. Traditionally, if a tumor developed resistance to a chemotherapy agent, doctors would have abandoned it completely and moved on to another drug or another treatment strategy. But now they are able to biopsy tumors and perform more sophisticated genetic and molecular tests that help them to decide, for example, that the bulk of a tumor remains susceptible to a targeted therapy while only a small portion has become resistant. They can then either remove the resistant portion surgically or add another targeted therapy to tackle just that portion while keeping the patient on the original regimen that will still treat the remainder of his cancer. “That’s a new concept,” says Demetri. “That didn’t exist before targeted therapies.”

(MORE: The Screening Dilemma — Health Special: Cancer)

For patients, these types of creative strategies could mean gentler, more tolerable cancer treatments, and more years of living cancer-free. Combinations of drugs may become the norm, much as they have become the standard for treating HIV infections. So far, says Dr. Scott Kopetz, associate professor of gastrointestinal oncology at MD Anderson Cancer Center, refined targeted-therapy cocktails appear to work best for blood-cell and immune-cell cancers like chronic leukemias that tend to be more homogenous from the start, making them susceptible to the newer drugs. Solid tumors such as those in the breast, prostate and lung generally contain a wider variety of genetically different cells even at diagnosis, which makes them more challenging — although not impossible — to treat with targeted drugs. “Where there is a lot of genetic heterogeneity, such as in most solid tumors, there is more headwind we have to fight against, more opportunities for rapid resistance to develop,” says Kopetz.

That means that for the time being, chemotherapy may remain part of the cancer doctor’s arsenal — and even these agents are being revamped to cause fewer side effects. New ways of encasing the toxin in fat-based bubbles or linking it to nanoparticles that deliver the drug just to the tumors while bouncing off healthy cells are making regimens more tolerable.

Increasingly, though, chemotherapy may become the treatment of last resort, rather than the first wave, as some basic truths about cancer are being knocked down and rewritten. For instance, it may not be as helpful to treat cancers by where they originate — in the breast or prostate or lung — but rather by the processes that fuel them. That’s why a targeted drug developed to treat melanomas is now used to suppress lung cancers, and why genetic and molecular analyses of tumors are becoming more critical to match the right medications to the right cancers.

“Many, many fundamental concepts in cancer are being challenged now based on new information,” says Tallman. “Of course that is leading to major shifts, paradigm shifts in treatment approaches and ultimately, I think, better care [for] patients and better outcomes.”

Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2013/06/26/no-more-chemo-doctors-say-its-not-so-far-fetched/#ixzz2aWom3FVT

Hair Today - Gone Tomorrow

I'm not a real fan of those who are all talk and no action, yet I feel I've become one of those people. Yeah, here I go again about the hair. I have to say to all my friends out there who gave me encouragement and told me my new doos look great, I appreciate that but unfortunately I can't say I agree. Right now my hair has strictly become a matter of practicality and I hate that. 

Any woman will attest, hair is a number one priority! After a quick Internet search I found that the average woman spends $50,000 on her hair in her lifetime! Sounds crazy but I'm guessing some of us will go WAY BEYOND that mark! I know personally (and fearfully) I am one that will exceed that mark. This is where Greg will likely wish I was permanently bald! 

Just for fun, let's break it down: 
1. Cut and style $65. Since I like long hair I would likely do this about 4 times a year for a total of $260 
2. Hair products. I saw a figure on the Internet that says the average woman spends $300 a year on products. Sadly that sounds accurate. 
3. Color. Depending on the amount of color, how many different colors and/or amount of highlights prices can range dramatically. I would say I average about $95 a visit. Thanks to gray hair I also visit my coiffure every 6-7 weeks which is roughly 8.5 times year for a total of  $807.50. 
4. Speciality hair care. To me this is where my Keratin Treatments come in to play. Other speciality hair care could be updos, braids, conditioning treatments, etc. I get a deal on my Keratin treatments because my friend/stylist, the lovely Miss Erin, does it on the side for an average price of $250 a time, most salons charge upwards of $600 for this same treatment. For those who don't know, Keratin takes crazy curly hair like mine and makes it silky smooth and straight - way more manageable in the Florida humidity too! Plus, the brand Erin uses on me is free of those toxic chemicals like formaldehyde, unlike some brands.  Luckily I only get Keratin once or twice a year for a total of $500. 

This brings the grand total to $1,867.50 (before tips). Take that over a life time (roughly age 18 - 70) and that is 52 years of haircare which is a total of $97,110 in my lifetime!! Now grant it I haven't been so picky about my hair in my early years, old photos from the 80's will attest to that, and I likely won't be getting Keratin when I'm in my 60's … but damn, that is one scary figure. Ask me if I'd change anything about my hair care routine to save some coin here and there I'd say NO WAY. Hair is one of the first things people see when they meet you aside from your face. I know what I spend on make up is about 3% of what I spend on hair so to me that off sets the exorbitant price. 

BEFORE: Alex's show of solidarity 6 weeks ago ... it has quickly grown back!

AFTER: Looking good with Kate. All Alex's hair has grown back quickly. 

You're probably saying, "Thanks for the economics of hair lesson, Linda, but where the heck are you going with all this?" Well, I'll tell you. I've touted my 10 reasons to go bald on an earlier blog, I've purchased my short and sassy Raquel Welsh wig (that would be another $295 to add to my list above) and I'm still not bald. Why? That crazy, thick, curly hair that I cursed for SOOOOO many years has now become a big bonus. I'd say I have about 40% of the hair I had pre-cancer. The short-short angled bob haircut I got about 8 weeks ago is gone and I'm now sporting a cut that frighteningly resembles my mother's hair. Although my son says I now look like Ted Danson with this cut! LOL. I just couldn't handle seeing all the hair on the bathroom floor, in the tub, all over my pillow. Now that it's shorter it's not as noticeable when it's falling out and it's still falling out and will continue to through October. 

After my shampoo. 

my new shorter cut

This hair dilemma has now turned into a game with me. Where I once thought I would be bald by now or have had the courage to just shave it all off, I no longer feel that way. I want to see how long I can go before my head looks like a fraternity prank gone bad. So, stay tuned folks and watch my hair today work its way off my head. I'm currently taking bets on baldness, so pick a date and we'll see who wins! 

BETS ON BALDNESS: NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. OPEN ONLY TO LEGAL RESIDENTS OF THE UNITED STATES, WHO ARE AGE 18 YEARS OR OLDER. Limit one (1) entry per participant. Participation constitutes entrant’s full unconditional agreement and acceptance of the Official Rules. Void where prohibited by law. One (1) total winners will be selected. Estimated odds of winning are dependent upon date of hair loss. If entry via web or phone is not possible, participants may send a 3x5 postcard containing name, address, telephone number, and e-mail address to: When Will Linda Go Bald, 555 Park Avenue, Clearwater,  FL 33576. One (1) Winners will be selected to receive one (1) congratulatory email and your likeness featured on the Finding Zen with Cancer blog. No alternative prize, cash equivalent, or other substitution is permitted. Prize is nontransferable. Winner is responsible for all taxes, and all fees associated with the use of the prize. Sweepstakes participants agree to hold Linda harmless from any and all losses, damages, rights, claims, and actions of any kind in connection with the Sweepstakes. Other limitations may apply. See Official Rules for full version of these official rules and details.

The Bathroom Chronicles (otherwise known as TMI)

Here I sit at 10:30 pm …. WIDE awake! I can't blame anyone, this is unintentionally self inflicted.  I drank green tea at 7pm only to find out that yes Virginia, there is caffeine in Green Tea. DOH! Plus, my not so friendly bowels are in an uproar. I was supposed to be on a liquid diet for the past two days and in a moment I'll explain why.

Let's see, day one of the liquid diet I made it a whole six hours before I caved and ate half a baguette loaf with butter. You would think I'd be bound up to Timbuktu after that! A couple hours later I ate a banana and a DELICIOUS Publix brownie, the best brownie on the planet! Then for dinner two lovely chicken thighs. I breezed trough that day and didn't have a problem until today.

Today I went to lunch with my oldest son, Alex, who is visiting from New Mexico along with his darling girlfriend, Katie, who lives in St. Louis. They asked me to lunch and I can't pass up time with my boy and his girl! So we went to Frenchy's on Clearwater Beach. I adore Frenchy's shecrab soup, it's the BEST. Then I had chicken salad with fruit for my main course. Half way through lunch Alex asked why I wasn't on my liquid diet. I said I did fine for the past 24 hours, I think I'm OK now. Well about an hour later I could tell I was back on the highway to stomach hell. To top it off, Greg took Katie and I to dinner tonight at a Greek Restaurant. Again, I tried to eat blandish food so I ordered Pastichio that came with fresh green beans.  Now here I am at 10:30 PM - wide awake and running to the bathroom every 15 minutes. 

THE Cutest Couple at lunch (Alex and Katie)

Frenchy's SHECRAB ..... MMMMmmmmmm

Tropical Chicken Salad 

Alex is turning into a squid billy with his Char grilled Octopus lunch

my boy! love him!! 

I'll start at the beginning of cycle 6. Last Wednesday I blacked out. I woke up that morning and went about my business in the bathroom, brushed my teeth and then went into the kitchen to make some coffee. As I'm making coffee I start to feel very light headed, so I go to put my head down on the counter hoping the feeling will pass. The next thing I know, I woke up on the other side of the kitchen floor. Luckily I didn't hit my head on the counter. It was an uneasy, freaky feeling.

When I went to get my portable pump removed that morning I told my Oncologist what happened. He looked at me very perplexed like he never heard of such a thing. They ran blood work thinking I was dehydrated but my electrolytes were fine. He said I need to see the Cardiologist. So I did. The Cardiologist looks me over, talks to me, checks the blood work and says he believes I'm a bit dehydrated regardless of the blood work, but still wants me to schedule an ultrasound of my corroded arteries and of my heart to make sure nothing unexpected is going on. Great. I make my appointments and wait. 

The next few days are awful. I spend my time floating between he bed and the porcelain throne. It seems I can't eat without living in the john for several hours after.

By Saturday I know I'm hitting rock bottom, so I call the Oncologist. He says it would be more stressful to go into the ER to get fluids on a Saturday and tells me to wait it out till Monday. He ups my dosage of Imodium, advises that I start pounding the Gatorade and then stop by the clinic Monday to get IV fluids.

Monday I got pumped with fluids. I also spoke to the doc about living in the bathroom. He suggested I try the liquid diet to try and give my bowels a rest. They rested one day and are now back with a vengeance!

Meanwhile, I had the ultrasound of my carotid artery on Tuesday and all is well in my neck. I had a visit with my Endocrinologist today. It's important to monitor pre-existing conditions while on chemo and I've had an under active thyroid since Hannah was born. My Endo doc said my T3 was low so we're upping my dosage. My fingers are crossed in hopes that THIS is part of the reason for my zapped energy levels. 

It's an exciting life, isn't it?! Not everyone has the same reaction to the chemo drugs. My chemo nurse said it's likely the 5FU drug catching up with me. Now I get to enjoy some of the side effects more than ever! SOoooo, here I sit … now 11 pm at night, I am awake from caffeine and taking my "runs" to the latrine every 15 minutes (pun intended).

The moral of this story … gosh, I wish I had one. If I had to come up with one, I guess it would be "keep taking it one day at a time". There really is nothing you can do to control your body and it's reactions to those nasty chemo drugs. You just need to experiment at home with what works and doesn't work. And just when you get it figured out, your body throws you a curve ball and BAM, you're dealing with a whole new set of issues. 

On a side note before I sign off, remember my Angel Lee? Her daughter, Annie, turned 12 years old today! I've come to learn a lot from my angel and a lot about her and her family as well. I'm especially enamored with Annie. She's a hockey player- which I think is SO cool! All my Minnesota and Michigan friends will appreciate the dedication and skill that takes. Plus, she seems like quite the funny girl and is sweet as can be. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANNIE!! xo

Princess Annie. Isn't she SO cute!

Cancer Abandonment: Dealing with the Loss

I've been dealing with an inner struggle for a few weeks now. And even though I know it's in my best interest to just LET IT GO … my pit bull tendency is to latch my jaw around something and hold on tight. Once that happens, it's hard for me to release that grip. 

My issue is with what I like to call, cancer abandonment. As I write this I'm starting to feel a bit self centered, like everyone should pay attention to ME and all the focus should be on ME. That is not what I'm going for here, truly! I'm talking about friends and loved ones who I believed had my back no matter what and in some cases all out proclaimed that they were there for me NO MATTER WHAT.  And now … crickets. Chances are pretty good if you're reading this blog, you're not one of them. :-) 

OK, OK, I admit that going through cancer treatment can make a person pretty needy and self absorbed, however isn't that is the point of all this? FOCUS on yourself, with the obvious goal of becoming cancer free by the end of treatment?  If I learned one thing from those who have preceded me on this journey it's "Ask for help when you need it." I'm getting to the point where I need help and I have very few folks in close proximity that I can ask. And yes, I realize that some people may have their own hang ups with cancer or perhaps they suffered the loss of a loved one to cancer and now they don't have the capacity to deal with it. To that I'd like to add the caveat, next time don't over promise and under deliver because many of us take those proclamations to heart. Like ME! Then I jump on over to the career side of life where there are all these wonderful little "rules" that are put in place by employers advising everyone at my level and above, NOT to inquire about an employee's health or show concern for their "condition" when they are out on FMLA or short term disability. This one chaps my ass because as a manager myself, I truly CARE about those who are on my team and if they were to go through an illness, I would want to show my support and concern. As you can guess this "rule" applies to me and my current situation. God forbid corporations blur the lines and find a more 'human' approach to an employees illness. However, they can't do that because someone might get spanked or worse, sued. It is time to come to terms with all of it, mourn the loss of those who are not capable of keeping up and move on. I know that it is for my own good. 

Conversely, I'd be remiss if I didn't declare my delight for those who lurk in the background and appear like earth angels when I need it most. Like my unassuming neighbor who is a talented BBQ pit master and shows up at my door unannounced with a heaping plate full of BBQ chicken! Or another neighbor who sees my socially challenged son riding his bike up and down the street, clearly bored that he's stuck at home this summer with his lackluster chemo Mom. What does she do? Invite him to go swimming in their pool with her kids. A simple yet incredibly welcome gesture! Or sweet Erin, who offers to help me manage my rapidly decreasing hair and brings me banana bread to lift my spirits! And my wonderful son, who traveled across the U.S. from New Mexico to show his support for his Ma. I am grateful and blessed to have this unforeseen help show up when I least expect it.

As I struggle to make peace with all of it, I found an excellent article on the Huffington Post website, The Things I Wish I Were Told When I Was Diagnosed With Cancer. This article really cut to the quick, hitting on ALL the things I wish I was told! I believe it is also a great read for those who have a friend or loved one undergoing cancer treatment. Thank you Jeff Tomczek for this great article! I encourage you to check it out! 

* ADDENDUM: I've made more than a few folks concerned that this is pointed at them. For that I apologize, that was NOT my intent! If you've mailed or emailed me, talked to me, FB messaged me, or even batted an eye my direction one time since I started chemotherapy, I assure you my feelings posted above are NOT directed at you! 

What I Look Forward to Doing (half full) or What I Miss (half empty)

Day 2 of cycle 6 and I feel totally annihilated. I've been up since 4am. The sleeping pills are trying to drag me back to sleep and the steroids in my chemo are saying WAKE UP!

I lay in bed for a good hour and a half … playing on social media and thinking about all sorts of things. Mainly after viewing other people's Facebook fun, I start thinking of all the things I'm going to look forward to AFTER this damn treatment is over. 

1. Sleep! (a given. I can't say I was great at it before, but now, when I need it most I can't get it., i.e. steroid/chemo week. And then in the second week, out of the blue I'll get these overwhelming feelings of sleep, like I've just walked through the Wicked Witches poppy field.)

2. Travel (leaving on a plane is a no-no when your immune system is wiped out from chemo - can't say I disagree … last place I want to be now is in a flying tin can with everyone's germs being bandied about at 30,000 feet! More so, the cruise ships that I adore traveling on. They are an international hub for germs from around the world!)

One of the COOLEST places on this planet! Sting Ray City in Grand Cayman ---
I soooo want to go back!!

Chillin' with the Captain. I don't care what anyone says, going on a cruise is a blast!
I'll take the 2% risk that the ship may breakdown or sink.  

Another favorite place, the KEYS!! This was in Key Largo on the way to Key West. Ahhhhh 

3. Ice Cream, smoothies, frozen yogurt, frappuccinos, Slurpees, etc. etc. (One of my chemo drugs, fittingly called 5FU, has a nasty side effect of not being able to drink or eat anything cold, if you do it's feels like you're swallowing razor blades. Touching it is like having thousands of needles drill into your hands. Folks, it's been a long hot Florida summer and I am kinda cranky without my cool refreshing treats!)

Oh how I miss you so!!!!!

4. Relaxing Libations (Zero, zip, Nada …. no alcohol allowed. It is a toxic mixture when paired with chemo drugs. A very dangerous risk. Truly the lack of libations hasn't bothered me until now… now that I see all those cold, refreshing beach cocktail photos that people are sipping on and posting on Facebook.)

There nothing better than having a relaxing glass of wine 
with good friends, like Sandy and Peter!!

All the ingredients that go into ONE drink called "Bad Attitude" (pictured in foreground).
I was not able to sample - this one was for Greg!

5. Working Out (never thought I'd say that I miss working out, but I do. Last summer through the time I was diagnosed on March 19, I was hitting the gym 5 or 6 times a week. I was obsessed,but in a good way. It was great mentally, kicking that serotonin into high gear. Physically I liked the energy and strength felt after my work out, that kept me energized all day. Before that I was jogging until my knee surgery in 2011 and walking daily. If I didn't do all this, how could I eat and post all those fabulous food photos - I gotta off-set those calories with exercise!)

The only sweat I'm working up these days are hot flashes!! UGH.

6. The Beach (there is a reason I won't leave Florida and that is the beach! I adore the salt water and all it's magnificent creatures! I love sitting in my beach chair, half in and half out of the growing tide. I love my big yellow beach umbrella. But along with all those people there is also nastiness that can get in the water, causing abnormally high bacteria counts at certain beaches, THAT a big risk. I have been on only one beach walk since chemo started, kept my shoes on which sucks for this No Shoes Nation Gal. That makes me sad. Sad to keep my shoes on and sad that I just don't have much energy to do it more.)

LOVE on IRB (Indian Rocks Beach) April 2011

SALT LIFE!! Headed out to snorkel - Key Largo, FL (my boy is so damn cute, LOVE him!)

7. Salads or Sushi (another anomaly for some of you I'm sure, but I miss eating salad. In the summer I LOVE lots of salad. At least one meal type salad a day. Unfortunately, the damn chemo drugs jack with my system so much that it's difficult to tolerate. I have to pick and chose the days of my cycle when I think I can eat salad with out suffering the repercussions. The sushi and ahi tuna are obvious ones, just can't risk any of that bad bacteria co-mingling with my compromised immune system. Lately all I seem to tolerate are carbs, something I would rarely indulge in prior to chemo.)

Missing the amazing sushi lunches with DiFi and other co-workers!

Awesome Rumba Salad with Ahi Tuna! My favorite!!

Don't remember where I got this but I remember it being awesome! 
I think it was at the Sea Dog. 

8. Going Out & Socializing (just like being in a plane, going to a Rays game, a concert, a buffet, a night club or festival are all BIG risks that frankly are not worth taking. If I get sick that pushes my chemo treatments back and I plan to be done with this by November!! The biggest disadvantage, is not being able to go to my son's school when school starts this year. Being around children is the biggest risk as we all know how they love to be conduits for germs! Noah is told to wash hands and use antibacterial lotion constantly. When we go out to eat we go off hours, like the middle of the afternoon between the lunch and dinner rush. We have also been getting more take out if we aren't in the mood for cooking. Same goes for movies. We go a few weeks after the show has been released and try to pick off hours. All the while making sure to sanitize, sanitize, sanitize!)

Rays Game and Goo Goo Dolls concert August 2011 ... great memories!

Night on the town in Puerto Rico - October 2010!

9. Hair  (I still have a decent amount of hair to date. I've been able to conceal the super thin patches with my curls. I never thought I'd say this, but this is one time I'm happy that I started off with an uber tick head of curls. Although I still have my Raquel Welch sassy short wig on stand-by for when it gets TOO thin. I do look forward to growing it out again! I miss my pony tails and long Keratin infused locks!)

I know it sounds so vein, but I miss my long hair so much :-(

10. Work (albeit far down on my list, I do miss work. I feel like the boy in the bubble, isolated from society. I miss the creative challenges and the people. Mind you, I'm not in a rush to get back. It is worthless for me to be there and try to battle cancer at the same time. I get that I must focus on myself and my health right now!) 

It's rare that I go on shoots anymore (since I'm a hall walking, paper pusher these days),
but when I get to, it's a lot of fun! 

** Please note, due to chemo brain and intermittent loss of feeling & cramping in my hands in my hands, I occasionally have typo-s. Generally I don't notice and correct them until week two when my quasi normal brain returns. 

New Cancer Killing Wonder Drug?

Could it be? Sounds amazing! My angel sent me this article and like most of us that have gone through cancer treatment - we can only hope and pray it's the cure we have all been waiting for!! 

Here is the link and I also cut and pasted the article below...
New wonder drug that kills all kinds of cancer

New wonder drug matches and kills all kinds of cancer — human testing starts 2014

By MICHAEL BLAUSTEIN

Last Updated: 2:03 PM, July 11, 2013

Stanford researchers are on track to begin human trials of a potentially potent new weapon against cancer, and would-be participants are flooding in following the Post’s initial report on the discovery.

The progress comes just two months after thegroundbreaking study by Dr Irv Weissman, who developed an antibody that breaks down a cancer's defense mechanisms in the body.

A protein called CD47 tells the body not to "eat" the cancer, but the antibody developed by Dr Weissman blocks CD47 and frees up immune cells called macrophages — which can then engulf the deadly cells.

The new research shows the miraculous macrophages effectively act as intelligence gatherers for the body, pointing out cancerous cells to cancer-fighting "killer T" cells.

The T cells then "learn" to hunt down and attack the cancer, the researchers claim.

“It was completely unexpected that CD8+ T (killer T) cells would be mobilized when macrophages engulfed the cancer cells in the presence of CD47-blocking antibodies,” said MD/PhD student Diane Tseng, who works with Dr. Weissman.

The clinical implications of the process could be profound in the war on cancer.

When macrophages present "killer T" cells with a patient's cancer, the T cells become attuned to the unique molecular markers on the cancer.

This turns them into a personalized cancer vaccine.

“Because T cells are sensitized to attack a patient’s particular cancer, the administration of CD47-blocking antibodies in a sense could act as a personalized vaccination against that cancer,” Tseng said.

The team of researchers at Stanford plan on starting a small 10-100 person phase I clinical human trial of the cancer therapy in 2014.

Fishing for Ideas

Today was my last day of work until I'm done and recovered from chemo, which should be the end of October, baring any setbacks. I am wrapping up my FMLA leave and then going on short term disability for the remained of my treatments. This was a very difficult decision for me. Because I have type A personality traits, it is hard for me to admit that I'm not 100% capable of performing my job because of my treatments and my current medical condition. I believe we all like to think that we're decedents of Superman or Wonder Woman. But reality bites me in the ass once again and I am reminded that as much as I try to fight it, chemo brain is a harsh, cold reality! My bowels also remind me quite frequently that I am at their beck and call 24-7. I can NOT for one moment think think that I am in charge. No sir. Mr. Colon is in charge! Many a night Mr. Colon has woke me up and reminded me of that fact. Many a day, Mr. Colon has demanded I not leave the confines of my bathroom. We have this real love-hate thing going on. 

So as I sit here on my back porch, watching the squirrels try and bust into the bird feeder, and I wonder what will I do as I sit home during my recovery? I have plenty of books to read from Bourdain to Olsteen. I also have a nice puzzle from Sandy and Peter. I can't stand daytime TV unless it's the Food Channel - BTW I'm starting to really like Giada at Home and that somewhat frightens me! I've started painting again, however being a quasi-type A personality, I get easily frustrated that it takes so long to get anywhere on the project … I might be able to add a layer of paint one day and then spend the next three days sicker than a Gary Busey during his third stint in rehab. Of course, I want my painting done NOW, not three months from now! This is where I need to start practicing what I preach, or at least living up to what I say I'm going to do, and that is MEDITATE … slow down …. enjoy the process and not rush to the outcome. What was I thinking when I said THAT?! LOL.

My painting - a work in progress

So if you have any ideas, post them here. I'm sure there is something I haven't thought of yet! 

A Moment of Zen

My long time Minnesota gal pal, Tonia, sent me this moment of Zen from her back yard. Make sure you turn up the volume to get the full peaceful effect!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh 

Mother Nature's Miracle

I laid awake, sick to my stomach, all last night. Consequently I had plenty of time to think. I was recalling a recent conversation with a couple friends about medical Marijuana. To date there are 18 states that can legally sell marijuana by prescription: Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticut, DC, Delaware, Hawaii, Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont and Washington. In most states, although legal, the way the law is written is convoluted. 

Anyway…. the conversation revolved around the use of marijuana for cancer patients. These two friends cited countless circumstances where marijuana was a Godsend to family and friends that had fallen victim to cancer. Chemotherapy is brutal. Each cancer has a different set of chemo drugs. What one person may take for breast cancer is very different than what I take for colon cancer. Regardless, they all have side effects and they are all equally nasty. Hence medical marijuana would offer great relief to many chemo patients. Chemotherapy patients and their loved ones that I've talked to during the past few months are managing to get hook up with nurse Mary Jane whether legal or not. Usually it's a younger relative that will offer assistance to the folks my generation and older, so they can get mother natures miracle. In the end, every single person told me that they were grateful they did.

After all that I heard, I'm dismayed and amazed that all states haven't adopted the law. I know there are more diseases that would benefit from medical marijuana and sadly all these folks need to go without or illegally seek comfort. I certainly could have used some last night. Sadly, Florida won't consider the bill until 2014 and I hope to make caner a very distant memory by then! 

Cat Therapy

It's 5:15 am. I'm only awake because I slept most of the day yesterday.  I'm sitting here, drinking my favorite TAZO Zen green tea and totally at a loss on what I should write about. Usually I know well in advance what my subject matter will be as it is something that sits and churns in my head for a few days. Today I got bupkis. I'm still weak from the chemo treatment. My stomach is less than cooperative. My nausea continually flairs up unless I take some anti nausea meds, which knock me on my ass. It's a vicious circle of nothingness.  Times like this it's hard to keep positive because the reality is there is nothing positive going on right now. I am merely in function mode. Sitting here on my ass letting chemo kick my butt. Just take today and get it over with and move on to the next day and get it over with until I'm done wit the damn treatment. The hard cold truth - during chemo reality bites. 

Then when I least expect it, this little fur ball comes along and jumps on my chair … Mulder. As I write this it's like he's hearing me intuitively and makes certain his presence known … as usual. 

Mulder being nosey, checking out my green tea and comforting his human .... ME! 

Mulder has become my silent nursemaid. On Monday's when I come home from treatment he is right next to me in bed, checking out my portable chemo pump and making sure I'm OK. When I get my chemo pump removed, he's back to crawling all over me, especially with the after shower ritual where he must climb and balance on my back like a circus cat. This is not something that can go ignored because he will pace the bathroom counter tops, reaching, meowing and waiting for me to let him on my shoulders. Odd, I know, however I find it quite amusing.

Mulder's post shower ritual

Then on days when I'm feeling a little less wiped out, he's ready to play fetch with me. He's more of a cat-dog than a cat-cat.

Greg nicknamed Mulder, chemo cat.  I know there are therapy dogs...  and I got to wondering if there was such as thing as therapy cats? I did a quick Internet search and was impressed at the amount of feline friends that come to the aid of humans that are dealing with difficult circumstances. 

This woman's cat helped her through breast cancer. CNN did a story on a hospital that brought 3,000 cats to a young girl undergoing cancer treatment. Personally I was impressed to find this story about a young Aspergers girl who trained her cat to be a therapy cat and she wishes to train more cats to help those with Aspergers. And who can resist Grumpy Cat -  all that cute grumpiness is great therapy! 

So in the end, thanks to Mulder, MY therapy cat, I did have something worth writing about today! 

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Today I sit at chemotherapy number 5. Number 4 kicked my ass. I went in to the clinic during week 2 of cycle 4 and got pumped full of IV fluids. Amazingly it really helped! I was able to get out of bed, even work half days all week! 

There are so many things in your body that just don't function like normal when you're going through chemo for colon cancer. I would imagine there are similarities with chemo treatments for other cancers as well. As I venture into cycle 5 I can't help but think about the good, bad and the ugly of chemo treatments. 

I am not going to start with the good. I want to end this blog on a high note. So I'll start with the bad...

The bad is not being able to do what I've always done. I don't want to sound like a singles ad here, but I really miss walks on the beach. I'm usually too tired to take that long walk and on top of it I'm fearful of picking up some crazy bacteria. I'm going to have to take the risk because I just love the ocean, it's so calming. The bad is also having my friends feel sorry for me, I really hate that! Please don't shed any tears for me. As a empathetic person, I totally get it. But when it comes to me, I hate it. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. Why? I don't know, I just know I don't like it. What I do like and love is the supportive cards, letters and comments I get on social media! Those are so full of positive energy and encouragement, it's great Spirit Fuel! The bad is also not being able to eat or touch anything cold. I can't tell you how much I have been craving ice-cream or a big o' milkshake! But there is no way I can eat any of that because it would feel like I was swallowing razor blades. Yep, another joy one experiences on the 5FU chemo drug. Sadly, many of the foods I love don't love me during cancer treatment. Salads, fruits, veggies or high fiber foods wreak havoc on my system, I have to eat in moderation. Carbs seem to agree with me, which is something I didn't eat much of before. And NO sushi or ahi tuna - huge frownie face on that … too much of a bacteria risk. Go figure! Oh and thanks to aforementioned carbs and the steroids they add to the chemo mix, the pounds stay on … no benefit of losing weight here. Oh and the dreaded Chemo Brain. I've left the stove on for a few hours at a time lately. Hopefully I don't end up burning down the house. Forming thoughts, writing & typing is extremely difficult the first week of chemo.

The ugly is really ugly. Warning, if you're squeamish then you better skip this paragraph. It's all part of the ungodly side effects of chemotherapy. For instance, losing control of one's bowels a while at the Starbucks drive thru …  now that is ugly. Week one I'm bound up tighter than an Egyptian mummy. Week two, watch out… I can never be too far from a bathroom. God forbid I feel gassy as letting one rip is never a good idea as you never know what will come out with the gas!  Then there is the muscle cramps and Neuropathy. Some days I feel pins and needles in my feet like they've fallen asleep. One day my fingers started curing up and cramping, all the while I couldn't feel them. I could' t uncurl my fingers on my own, I needed to take one clinched up hand to straighten my fingers out. It's terribly frightening to experience something like that as you don't know if it's temporary or permanent! 

And the good. Amazingly there is a lot of good that can comes out of the cesspool of cancer treatment. Last week Nurse Cathy was admiring my lotus tattoo as she was feeling me IV fluids. She asked if I was a practicing Buddhist. I said, "no, but I subscribe to may of their beliefs." She then told me about the Clearwater Zen Center which she attends  The focus at the center is meditation. According to the Zen Center,  The Japanese word “Zen” derives from the Sanskrit term “dhyana”, which refers to non-dualistic, meditative absorption. Zazen, or silent Zen meditation, is the essential practice of Zen. By helping to free the mind of all thoughts and images, this practice allows our innate wisdom and compassion —our own “buddha-nature”—to come up to consciousness, so that we can awaken to it and actually live the wholeness and perfection that is our birthright. Wednesday night is for beginners. I plan to attend and start getting into a regular routine of mediation. If it wasn't for Nurse Cathy I would have been too inhibited to ever try it out! Today I was with Nurse Theresa who was getting me set up with my chemo IV. She asked about Noah who was with me last time. We started talking about Asperger's and how it is hard to get him to really 'get' what mom is going through. Then she began to tell me about a boy in her Boy Scout Troop that she believes has Aspergers. Theresa has a minor in psychology so she knows her stuff. Turns out this troop meets just down the road from me. I've considered getting Noah into this for a while but avoided it due to his Aspergers. Well, no more! Nurse Theresa is sending me home with info and I'm getting my boy signed up as soon as I can! I can't say enough about the Walgreens Speciality Care Clinic I go to for treatment. The nurses are amazing! They are all so loving and caring, that in itself is a big part of the good! (Spoiler alert for World War Z) Oh and I found out last weekend that Zombies hate people infected with disease according to World War Z - so for now, I'm safe from the Zombie Apocalypse!

I want to also say, thank you all for following me on this journey. Please share this blog with anyone you wish, especially anyone going through treatment and their loved ones. My hope is that by unabashedly sharing my experience it will in turn help others as they make their journey through the Dark Forest of Cancer and come out unscathed and healthy on the other side! 

I now have a Facebook page for Finding Zen with Cancer. I will post notification of my blog updates, in addition to daily inspirational messages. 

God bless! 

Cycle 5!! .... HIGH FIVE!