What I Look Forward to Doing (half full) or What I Miss (half empty)

Day 2 of cycle 6 and I feel totally annihilated. I've been up since 4am. The sleeping pills are trying to drag me back to sleep and the steroids in my chemo are saying WAKE UP!

I lay in bed for a good hour and a half … playing on social media and thinking about all sorts of things. Mainly after viewing other people's Facebook fun, I start thinking of all the things I'm going to look forward to AFTER this damn treatment is over. 

1. Sleep! (a given. I can't say I was great at it before, but now, when I need it most I can't get it., i.e. steroid/chemo week. And then in the second week, out of the blue I'll get these overwhelming feelings of sleep, like I've just walked through the Wicked Witches poppy field.)

2. Travel (leaving on a plane is a no-no when your immune system is wiped out from chemo - can't say I disagree … last place I want to be now is in a flying tin can with everyone's germs being bandied about at 30,000 feet! More so, the cruise ships that I adore traveling on. They are an international hub for germs from around the world!)

One of the COOLEST places on this planet! Sting Ray City in Grand Cayman ---
I soooo want to go back!!

Chillin' with the Captain. I don't care what anyone says, going on a cruise is a blast!
I'll take the 2% risk that the ship may breakdown or sink.  

Another favorite place, the KEYS!! This was in Key Largo on the way to Key West. Ahhhhh 

3. Ice Cream, smoothies, frozen yogurt, frappuccinos, Slurpees, etc. etc. (One of my chemo drugs, fittingly called 5FU, has a nasty side effect of not being able to drink or eat anything cold, if you do it's feels like you're swallowing razor blades. Touching it is like having thousands of needles drill into your hands. Folks, it's been a long hot Florida summer and I am kinda cranky without my cool refreshing treats!)

Oh how I miss you so!!!!!

4. Relaxing Libations (Zero, zip, Nada …. no alcohol allowed. It is a toxic mixture when paired with chemo drugs. A very dangerous risk. Truly the lack of libations hasn't bothered me until now… now that I see all those cold, refreshing beach cocktail photos that people are sipping on and posting on Facebook.)

There nothing better than having a relaxing glass of wine 
with good friends, like Sandy and Peter!!

All the ingredients that go into ONE drink called "Bad Attitude" (pictured in foreground).
I was not able to sample - this one was for Greg!

5. Working Out (never thought I'd say that I miss working out, but I do. Last summer through the time I was diagnosed on March 19, I was hitting the gym 5 or 6 times a week. I was obsessed,but in a good way. It was great mentally, kicking that serotonin into high gear. Physically I liked the energy and strength felt after my work out, that kept me energized all day. Before that I was jogging until my knee surgery in 2011 and walking daily. If I didn't do all this, how could I eat and post all those fabulous food photos - I gotta off-set those calories with exercise!)

The only sweat I'm working up these days are hot flashes!! UGH.

6. The Beach (there is a reason I won't leave Florida and that is the beach! I adore the salt water and all it's magnificent creatures! I love sitting in my beach chair, half in and half out of the growing tide. I love my big yellow beach umbrella. But along with all those people there is also nastiness that can get in the water, causing abnormally high bacteria counts at certain beaches, THAT a big risk. I have been on only one beach walk since chemo started, kept my shoes on which sucks for this No Shoes Nation Gal. That makes me sad. Sad to keep my shoes on and sad that I just don't have much energy to do it more.)

LOVE on IRB (Indian Rocks Beach) April 2011

SALT LIFE!! Headed out to snorkel - Key Largo, FL (my boy is so damn cute, LOVE him!)

7. Salads or Sushi (another anomaly for some of you I'm sure, but I miss eating salad. In the summer I LOVE lots of salad. At least one meal type salad a day. Unfortunately, the damn chemo drugs jack with my system so much that it's difficult to tolerate. I have to pick and chose the days of my cycle when I think I can eat salad with out suffering the repercussions. The sushi and ahi tuna are obvious ones, just can't risk any of that bad bacteria co-mingling with my compromised immune system. Lately all I seem to tolerate are carbs, something I would rarely indulge in prior to chemo.)

Missing the amazing sushi lunches with DiFi and other co-workers!

Awesome Rumba Salad with Ahi Tuna! My favorite!!

Don't remember where I got this but I remember it being awesome! 
I think it was at the Sea Dog. 

8. Going Out & Socializing (just like being in a plane, going to a Rays game, a concert, a buffet, a night club or festival are all BIG risks that frankly are not worth taking. If I get sick that pushes my chemo treatments back and I plan to be done with this by November!! The biggest disadvantage, is not being able to go to my son's school when school starts this year. Being around children is the biggest risk as we all know how they love to be conduits for germs! Noah is told to wash hands and use antibacterial lotion constantly. When we go out to eat we go off hours, like the middle of the afternoon between the lunch and dinner rush. We have also been getting more take out if we aren't in the mood for cooking. Same goes for movies. We go a few weeks after the show has been released and try to pick off hours. All the while making sure to sanitize, sanitize, sanitize!)

Rays Game and Goo Goo Dolls concert August 2011 ... great memories!

Night on the town in Puerto Rico - October 2010!

9. Hair  (I still have a decent amount of hair to date. I've been able to conceal the super thin patches with my curls. I never thought I'd say this, but this is one time I'm happy that I started off with an uber tick head of curls. Although I still have my Raquel Welch sassy short wig on stand-by for when it gets TOO thin. I do look forward to growing it out again! I miss my pony tails and long Keratin infused locks!)

I know it sounds so vein, but I miss my long hair so much :-(

10. Work (albeit far down on my list, I do miss work. I feel like the boy in the bubble, isolated from society. I miss the creative challenges and the people. Mind you, I'm not in a rush to get back. It is worthless for me to be there and try to battle cancer at the same time. I get that I must focus on myself and my health right now!) 

It's rare that I go on shoots anymore (since I'm a hall walking, paper pusher these days),
but when I get to, it's a lot of fun! 

** Please note, due to chemo brain and intermittent loss of feeling & cramping in my hands in my hands, I occasionally have typo-s. Generally I don't notice and correct them until week two when my quasi normal brain returns.