I may have mentioned that
I like to over think things. I’m not sure if that’s an A.D.D. trait or what. On
my drive to work I wondered why I got cancer. There must be some deeper meaning
in all this.
I was raised Catholic,
however I am not a practicing Catholic. I haven’t totally denounced my
upbringing, but through the years I have grown to consider myself more of a
spiritual person than a religious person when it comes to my beliefs. I don’t
believe one religion is better than another. In fact, I tend to embrace aspects
from many religions, my own spiritual buffet if you will. I do believe in only
one God, that is a given.
I do have this inherent certainty
that God does not give us more than we can handle. So for some reason God feels
I can handle my cancer and the impending chemotherapy. With that in mind, I
wonder why I got cancer in the first place and I’m guessing, everyone who gets
cancer thinks the same thing. This brings me to the second part of my belief; I
am supposed to learn an important lesson from my cancer journey. I create daily
laundry lists in my head of the possible lessons to learn.
In turn I wonder if I
manifested this in my own life. Is it the emotional baggage I’ve carried around
since childhood? Could it be the stress of a highly charged marriage and an
overly demanding career that finally caught up with me? Or is really just the
luck of the draw in a genetic poker game?
As you can see, this over
thinking is a bitch that I need to kick to the curb and leave along the roadside to fend for her
self. My lesson today? Start meditating and clear these
thoughts out of my head.
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